Four medicines in a day. Intake them all, one hour before breakfast. No skipping. Nine months.
June 24, 2013 – Today, I just received the go signal of my doctor to leave work. Having a disease believed to be contagious and communicable isn’t a big joke.
As I write this, I am still in awe with what God’s been doing in my life. I was scanning my old blogs and I just realized that I feared this time would come.
Never realized that God was actually preparing my heart even before this sickness was revealed. I could still remember one prayer walk for Passion Savings when I was pleading to God to whisper to my friend to get employed when by faith God was calling him to go full time in His ministry.
All the while, I was securing my comfort zone not knowing how my friend was struggling to obey and live a life less ordinary.
Tonight, I was praying to God to reveal the kind of less ordinary life He has for me. He led me to John 21. He reminded me of my Peter-like faith. How spontaneous I was when I first believed, saw miracles right before my eyes and received breakthroughs and how reluctant I am with my devotions, set apart life and obedience to His call.
John 21:15-17 delivered me.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”
Jesus asked Peter thrice. Do you love me? and he answered YES! And as I was meditating on it, I felt God asking me as well. This time with the words..
Do you desire healing, Monique?
Like Peter, I was so bold to answer yes too! Who wouldn’t want healing, right? But I was crying when He threw the same questions to me thrice. It was as if God was doubting. Felt my faith wasn’t enough. Yet He led me to the next verses (18-19)
Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
I was in tears. I was praying for healing then He’s calling me to FOLLOW HIM. “Oh how can I comprehend this?” I said to myself.
Simon Peter, a fisherman, became a fisher of men when he decided to follow Jesus. He was with Jesus for three years. He saw miracles left and right. He heard Jesus preach. He was a witness to every extraordinary thing Jesus did on earth. Yet when Christ was persecuted and had to die, he denied him. And even came to a point of deciding to go back to fishing again.
When I received this sickness, I was driven by faith to see each day through God’s eyes. For His love to be my daily companion. For His grace to breathe on me.
Bloody coughs, short breaths, bloated feeling, medicine intakes and a life tied up with bed and pillows.
I had a lot of questions yet with every rant my tongue starts to ring, I breathe a prayer to speak repentance for this low faith.
Then, He’s calling me to follow Him, to do extraordinary things in the light of His Name. I just can’t imagine how or define this serene chaos inside my heart but I know He has plans, extraordinary ones. And by faith, I believe.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.