Prayers to Breathe (PTB)

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Until my breath runs dry, I will sing to You
Until the end of time, I will praise You Lord
Until we finally meet, I live down at Your feet
You’ll find me seeking You
You’ll find me seeking You

All of my life all of my days
I will worship You the same
I give You my heart
I give You my life
As a pleasing sacrifice
I worship You
I worship You

-Until My Breath Runs Dry by Desperation Band

Yesterday, I finally learned the state of my health. My doctor discussed to me my chest X-ray, its meaning and indications. I was eager to listen while bearing that smiled-mark on my face.

I was at peace knowing that the Holy Spirit himself’s interceding for me with his inexpressible groaning (Romans 8:26). Yet just looking back to my reaction last Tuesday, I was more than desperately pleading in bed, remorse and wasted.

To date, I am diagnosed with Pulmonary Tuberculosis (PTB). Also a cavitary lesion, measuring 3 x 2.7 cm, was spotted in my right lung. According to my Internal Medicine-Pulmonary doctor, treatment will last nine months, both intensive and maintenance medication for three and six months, respectively.

After my laboratory exams yesterday, I was reprimanded to return the hospital on Saturday to submit three of my sputum samples for examination.

Just this morning I struggled releasing my first sputum. Inhaling deep and coughing hard just to spit that phlegm out from my lungs was more than painful to the chest. The more I try, the more blood and saliva I spit. Crying for such grave pains first thing in the morning, I had to comply with this oral excretion than complain.

Currently, I have two drugs to intake until Monday. New sets of meds will be given after. As of now, my doctor recommended two weeks of rest up to until my body adapts and gets immune with the prescribed medicines.

Staying at home, slowing down and resting at bed. With legs getting weak time after time, I hardly walk so far and enjoy traveling unlike before.

Honestly, after day 1, I felt sad being at home, stuck in the four corners of my room. I saw myself not used with this kind of lifestyle. However, just when I thought I have ran out of stuffs to do, God gave me reasons to be pre-occupied despite my condition.

Now, I don’t have any reason not to finish the goodreads I have bought years ago. Plus, I get to commune with God limitlessly. No accounting duties. No traveling hassles. No sleepless nights. Just me and God.

Secondly, He reminded me to find comfort and laughter with my family. For more than one year, I hardly stay at home and talk to them. I only visit the house for clothes and overnight sleep, then back to Manila for work and other commitments.

Indeed, now is the time to cope up with them, love them, serve them and be a light to them. Lastly, I get to focus and listen on God’s calling, the urgency He puts in my heart and the grace He fills in me day by day.

Indeed, miracles do happen to those who set their hearts and fixed their eyes to the God of Miracles. The heart is so encouraged with every SMS, PMs and DMs declaring hope, faith and prayers. Just by listening and learning every person’s miracle, on how God vividly reveals himself to His people, to the ones who love Him, fills the heart with hope, joy and peace. It excludes the grief, sadness and loneliness the enemy instills.

Deep breath. This will ran for the next nine months. Costly? Yes. Painful? Big yes! Yet, God’s teaching me three points to work on with: Organize, Prioritize and Sacrifice.

These are my prayers to breathe as I live a life emptied for Christ and obedient to His will. My passion for Christ will not end just because my lungs are weak. He is my complete source of Strength. The more He reminds me to depend upon His lordship and sovereignty.

And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Pain and love have always been part of my faith walk. In my 22 years of existence, both dragged me to the best and worst scenarios of life. Yet whether good or bad, God sets my feet still standing in amazement to His glory. And I praise Him not because He cares and loves a sinner like me but because He is God and He deserves the Highest praise.

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