I am a writer and my pen gives me the power to express myself through my compositions. I can even choose to impress and please my readers, but I don’t do those. Rather, I would listen than speak, inform than gossip and smile than complain.
But lately, I was being triggered to write the supposed to be most bitter essay I can make.
Bitterness was trying to turn me down. Hatred was running after me too. So eager, the enemy would use situations to make me feel unwanted, lonely and lame.
Grateful, God rescued me and healed my heart. He held my hand as I grabbed my pen and said, “Don’t.”
A voice whispered, “You are a history maker. You don’t compromise.”
I can choose to write every emotion I have, but God doesn’t want that. He called me to bless, to serve. Even so, my heart can deceive me. I would just allow the enemy to have a loophole to enter and access to destroy me completely.
However, my perspective changed tonight. I realized things and got enlightened with the Word.
With all ears to our youth pastor, God revealed to me that I am indeed one of His sheep, and He is my Shepherd who cares for me and protects me from harm, the wolves.
Handful of people knew what happened to me a year and a half ago. I must say I still feel tears whenever I somehow recall what occurred back then.
It was the most depressing point of my life. All I remember, I just wanted to quit life that time. I never wanted to trust anyone. I was so close to becoming a man-hater. This didn’t exempt even my father. Yet, my family still don’t know my struggle until now.
I lost faith to religion, to God and to His people. I never wanted to trust again, to go to church or even to study. I just wanted to face the end.
Unbelievable but I was harassed by these thoughts for a year.
Blessed, God led me otherwise. The reality that I am still alive and I am one blessed lady living up the life God designed to me is the best testimony I can leave to this world. Despite the disgrace that I experienced, He forgave, stood me up and loved me still. His grace was so overwhelming. He never let me go.
I remembered composing this song during those season. I made it last April 26, 2011, few days after I testified and confessed to senior church leaders what I have encountered and formally set my resignation to my former church.
Intro: G A Bm
Open my eyes that I may see
the wonderful things in Your love.
Teach me, O Lord, to do Your will,
to keep Your words ’til the end.
Create in me a pure heart,
a steadfast spirit within me.
I call with my all to the Lord of lords,
longing for Your touch.
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is You who know my way.
‘Cause Your love is better than life.
Your grace is purer than gold.
And Your mercy endures forever.
My lips will glorify You.
For the Lord is my rock and salvation.
He alone is my fortress and I won’t be shaken
I came across with the book of Psalm those days. I was caught by the verse Psalm 63:3.
Open my eyes that I may see the wonderful things in Your law. -Psalm 63:3
God wanted me to learn, to grow, and to depend on Him. He never said that life will be easy, but He said that He will be my guide, my Shepherd. I just needed to open my eyes, give Him my heart, listen to His still, small voice and obey.
Our Shepherd will never get tired looking for astray souls like I was before. He is more than eager to heal our land, and save this barely-breathing humanity. We should overcome by the blood of the Holy Lamb.